timog97 (timog97) wrote in i_am_pansexual,

need some help

Okay guys I need your help....

i have to tell you a little Story about me first so you can understand me a little bit more. i am a 18 y/o boy from germany, and tbh like 2 weeks ago i didn't even know what pansexual really is. but there was a thing that changed my whole life and mind. before i was a "normal" guy livin his life...i used to fall in love for girls and things like that. Okay sometimes i was a little bit thinkin about how it would be to be a girl but idk i think everyone has sometimes thought how it would be to be the other sex, so there were no worries to have. so i was randomly on instagram and there was a pic on my explore site. i opened it and it confused my a lil bit at first. there were two guys cuddling, what was weird for me until then. so i literally watched almost all his (over 7000) pictures to know sth about him. I found out that he was born a girl and is transgender since he is 11 or so (he's 14 now). because of the fact i learned a lot of him and saw all the pictures and videos my feelings got really messy and i didnt know whats happening...so i just noticed a simple thing....i fell in love for him really hard...and with hard i mean like so much i have never felt, even not in a short relationship with a girl a few years ago.
okay actually i got a little more familiar with the fact that i cloud also love someone who is not a girl (its still weird for me), but i still don't how to handle this all....
apart from that there are lots more problems.....1. he is very young compared to my age, 2. he lives in england so like 9 hours away by car (what wouldn't be a big problem for me), 3. he has a lot of followers on instagram so also like fans and so on, he gets tons of massages a day so even if i would try, he probably wouldn't even notice me...and also there is the problem that he recently split up with his boyfriend (who actually is also born a girl and trans).

so tbh i have thought of maybe loving another guy or trans, but i wasn't that familiar with it like with the fact loving this guy. but even if i would, there would be the problem of telling ist to other people. i dont have that many friends and im afraid i could lose them if i would tell them from nothin. and there are also my parents who i would have to tell.
so im very alone and have absolutely nobody to talk about things like this, and it really sucks and hurts really bad...and im really shy so it makes it even harder to tell sb....

okay so i already thank you guys for helping me, and sorry if my english is probably bad...

brgrds timo

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